How Psychology Sees Self-Love?
Self-love is one of those ideas that feels simple but becomes complex the moment you start digging into it. Over the years, psychologists have viewed self-love through many different lenses — from emotions, to behaviors, to even personality disorders. Let’s take a quick tour through some of the most influential perspectives.
Self-Love as a Feeling
Some researchers, like Brown (2010), describe self-love as a set of self-relevant emotions — such as pride, shame, or feeling pleased with oneself. This view treats self-love as something we feel in response to how we see ourselves.
Self-Love as Behavior
Others take a more practical approach. Fromm (1947) suggested that to love oneself is to care for, respect, and be responsible for oneself. Benjamin and colleagues (2006) described it as a gentle, nurturing love that focuses on personal growth and care. In this sense, self-love is something we do — a pattern of behaviors that remain stable over time.
Freud and Narcissism
Freud had a very different view. He saw self-love through the lens of narcissism. For Freud, some degree of self-love was normal — infants need it to survive and grow. But he warned that if self-love becomes excessive and never balances out with love for others, it can lead to problems in relationships, empathy, and mental health. His perspective reminds us of the dangers of an imbalanced self-love.
The Humanistic Perspective
Humanistic psychology flipped the script. It emphasizes self-love as essential for growth, authenticity, and self-actualization. Here, self-love means recognizing your intrinsic worth, treating yourself with compassion, and striving to live in alignment with your values. It’s not selfishness; it’s the foundation for resilience, wellbeing, and healthy relationships.
Cognitive-Behavioral View
Finally, cognitive-behavioral psychology sees self-love as the product of both thoughts and behaviors. Negative self-talk and harsh inner criticism erode self-love, while balanced thinking and compassionate self-talk strengthen it. On the behavioral side, actions like setting boundaries, resting, exercising, and caring for yourself reinforce a healthier relationship with yourself.
Across all these perspectives, one theme is clear: self-love is not just one thing. It’s emotional, behavioural, developmental, and cultural. Too little can harm wellbeing, but too much in the wrong way can also be destructive. The challenge — and opportunity — lies in finding a healthy balance where self-love fuels both personal growth and meaningful connections with others.
Until next time remember…To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. (Oscar Wilde) so keep going.
Love,
SLS family
