Self-Acceptance: one part of self-love
When most people hear “self-love,” they think of spa days, affirmations, or boosting self-esteem. But research shows that self-love runs much deeper. At its core lies self-acceptance: the ability to embrace every part of who you are — the bright strengths and the shadowy flaws — without judgment.
As Jack E. Underwood Jr. found in his Consensus Definition of Self-Love: A Delphi Study (2020), experts across psychology agreed that self-acceptance is one of the central pillars of authentic self-love. It is not about pretending everything is perfect, but about saying, “I am whole, even in my imperfection.”
What Is Self-Acceptance?
Self-acceptance means meeting yourself with unconditional positive regard. It includes:
Recognising and embracing all aspects of your being — strengths, weaknesses, emotions, and quirks.
Releasing shame about the parts of yourself you’ve hidden or judged harshly.
Allowing room for growth without self-hatred.
Psychologists such as Carl Rogers described this as lifting the “conditions of worth” we often learn in childhood — the belief that we must behave or achieve in certain ways to deserve love.
Why It Matters
Research shows that without self-acceptance, other aspects of self-love (like self-worth or self-care) struggle to take root. Underwood’s expert panel emphasized that accepting oneself wholly and forgiving oneself were crucial for building resilience, authenticity, and well-being.
Self-acceptance helps us:
Reduce shame: Instead of hiding, we meet ourselves with compassion.
Foster resilience: Life’s challenges feel less like proof of failure and more like opportunities to learn.
Build authentic connections: When we accept ourselves, we show up more honestly in relationships.
Self-Acceptance vs. Narcissism
One common myth is that self-acceptance makes us self-absorbed. But research suggests the opposite. Underwood’s study and previous work by Fromm (1956) show that self-acceptance is compassionate and outward-facing, while narcissism stems from self-loathing and the hunger for external validation.
Practices to Cultivate Self-Acceptance
Here are three practical ways to practice self-acceptance:
Compassionate Journaling
Write down a part of yourself you often criticize.
Then, write a compassionate response to yourself, as you would to a close friend.
Mindful Awareness
Notice when self-critical thoughts arise.
Instead of fighting them, say: “I see this thought. It doesn’t define my worth.”
Daily Affirmation of Wholeness
Say aloud: “I accept myself fully, as I am and as I am becoming.”
Self-acceptance is not about giving up on growth — it’s about creating the fertile ground where growth can happen. As Underwood’s research shows, it is a compassionate process of becoming that fosters wholeness and authenticity.
When you embrace every part of yourself, you give yourself permission to live freely, without shame. And that is the true beginning of self-love.
Over the next few posts, I’ll be diving deeper into the other elements — self-care, self-worth, self-knowing, and unconditional positive self-regard. Follow along to explore how you can bring each one to life in your daily routine.
Until next time remember…To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. (Oscar Wilde) so keep going.
Love,
SLS family
