Self-care is self-love in action.
In his groundbreaking Delphi Study on self-love, Underwood brought together a panel of therapists, psychologists, and mental-health experts to define what self-love really means. After multiple rounds of analysis and consensus, one message came through loud and clear: without self-care, self-love can’t survive.
The expert panel defined self-care as “the act of nurturing the whole self — physically, emotionally, mentally, psychologically, relationally, and spiritually” and “a practice of self-compassion and self-empathy.”
That means self-care isn’t just about what you do — it’s about how you treat yourself.
It’s not indulgence. It’s intention.
It’s not escaping your life — it’s investing in it.
Self-care becomes self-love when it’s guided by compassion, empathy, and responsibility toward your whole being.
The Science of Caring for Yourself
In Underwood’s research, self-care emerged as the most frequently mentioned element of self-love among mental-health professionals. The panel reached near-perfect agreement that caring for oneself is essential to psychological balance and healing.
They described self-care as a multi-layered practice, including:
Setting and maintaining boundaries
Prioritizing personal needs without guilt
Making healthy choices that support wellbeing
Practicing self-compassion and empathy during tough times
Taking preventive and restorative actions for both mind and body
This echoes decades of humanistic psychology — from Carl Rogers’ idea of unconditional positive regard to Erich Fromm’s belief that “to love others, we must first love ourselves.”
“Self-care, then, isn’t a luxury —
it’s the everyday act of keeping that compassionate process alive.”
Self-Care in Real Life
Here’s the truth: self-care isn’t always pretty or Instagrammable. Sometimes it looks like crying instead of pretending you’re fine. Or scheduling that doctor’s appointment you’ve been avoiding. Or leaving a relationship that doesn’t feel right, even though it’s scary.
That, too, is self-care.
It’s choosing to meet yourself where you are, not where you think you should be.
As Underwood’s panel concluded, “self-care is a practice of self-compassion and self-empathy” — not perfection. It’s the small, daily decision to care for yourself like someone you’re learning to love.
And maybe that’s it — self-care isn’t about becoming your best self; it’s about caring for the self you already are.
Until next time remember…To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. (Oscar Wilde) so keep at it.
Love,
SLS community
