What If Loving Yourself Is The Most Rational Thing You’ll Ever Do?
What if being truly rational — wise, grounded, good at making decisions — actually begins with something as soft and human as love?
That’s what Oxford philosopher Edward Harcourt suggests in his work Self-Love and Practical Rationality. He asks: how do we become the kind of people who make sound choices and live meaningful lives? His answer is simple but profound:
“We learn to be rational by learning to love — especially ourselves.
The Link Between Love and Reason
Think back to childhood. When a baby is cared for, soothed, and loved, something powerful happens beneath the surface. They begin to learn that their feelings matter, that they can trust others, and — eventually — that they can trust themselves. That’s not just emotional development. That’s the foundation of practical rationality — the ability to think clearly about what’s good for you, make choices, and live intentionally.
Harcourt points out that we’re often taught to separate reason and emotion — as if love belongs to the heart and logic to the mind. But in reality, they grow together.
“Love, he says, forms reason.”
Aristotle’s Ancient Clue
This idea isn’t entirely new. Over 2,000 years ago, Aristotle talked about self-love in his Nicomachean Ethics. He noticed something fascinating: good, virtuous people love themselves well — not in a selfish way, but in a way that makes them capable of loving others. When we wish good things for ourselves, care for our well-being, and take joy in our lives, that same care spills outward. The self-love of a good person, Aristotle said, mirrors the love they give their friends.
So in a sense, he was already onto Harcourt’s modern insight: the love that forms you is the same love you later give to yourself.
The “Transparent” Kind of Love
One of Harcourt’s favourite philosophers, Harry Frankfurt, said something beautiful about love: “Someone who loves himself shows it by loving what he loves.” In other words, self-love isn’t about staring in the mirror chanting “I love me.” It’s about caring deeply for the things that make you you: your work, your friendships, your creativity, your causes. When you pour your energy into what matters, that’s self-love in motion. It’s “transparent,” as Frankfurt puts it — you don’t have to see it to know it’s there. You can feel it in the way you live.
The Wise Heart
But Harcourt adds one more ingredient that makes love — and self-love — real: delight. Love isn’t just about protection or discipline. It’s also about joy — about taking pleasure in the existence of the one you love. In self-love, that joy becomes the simple contentment of being yourself. Enjoying your own laughter. Liking your own company. Taking quiet pride in the garden you planted, the meal you made, or the life you’re building. It’s not vanity. It’s vitality.
“We can’t think our way into a good life without also feeling our way there.”
Reason and love are not opposites — they’re partners.
Love gives reason its direction.
Reason gives love its shape.
And self-love?…That’s where they meet.
When you value yourself, your decisions become wiser. Your relationships become kinder. Your life becomes more coherent — not because you follow every rule, but because you live from a place of inner care. So next time someone tells you to “be rational,” remind yourself that:
“maybe the most rational thing you can do is to love yourself enough to live like you matter.”
Until next time remember…To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. (Oscar Wilde) so keep at it.
Love,
SLS community
